Why I am loathing ’13 Reasons Why’

Content Warning: suicide

(*SPOILERS*)

1. I have never heard of anyone committing such an elaborate suicide plan & going through it. (The making of the tapes, map, setting someone up to carry it all out and monitor them) How I’ve felt when I have come close is that it builds up and then self destruction happens.
2. They make it seem like it was her only option. Why wouldn’t she send those tapes to the authorities and her parents? For something so thought out, why didn’t she at least think to try to ease her parents’ pain by making them a tape?
3. She blames people for her suicide, some that I feel no sympathy for and others that did such minor high school shit that I would never think warrants to be blamed for someone’s death.
4. By not alerting (or sending tapes to the school, her parents, or authorities), she left the people who did horrific things to her to be able to do it to others.
5. I’ve been blamed for my mom’s suicide when she attempted, she wrote a letter blaming me and my sister. IT FUCKED ME UP. I did do shitty things, but shitty acting out teenager things. I ended up dropping out of college, dated an emotionally abusive guy, did drugs. It was a downward spiral. So what then if she caused one of the people to spiral out and commit suicide (which one character does attempt), now she’s a reason?
6. Along the lines of #5, the show demonizes these kids. They have their own shit going on, they are still learning life, stumbling through, feeling their own peer pressure. Brains are still developing until about 25yo.
7. They don’t do enough of explaining suicide prevention, ya they skim over what to look out for, have posters up (that end up being torn down by a character), and show kids setting up events (that end up being ignored and scoffed at).
There are probably more reasons I have that I’m not remembering but I suppose those are the main ones.
How I think it should have gone: after the suicide, she submits to the authorities, the school, and her parents: the terrible things the worst did, mention the “smaller” things but not for blame but for awareness. Then shit breaks loose from it and the show explores that, not pushing so hard their opinion of each character but to let us have more freedom of our own interpretation. Maybe even show someone contemplating suicide but getting the help they need.

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Why I am loathing ’13 Reasons Why’

Salvageable

I’ve realized Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde is a great analogy of my struggle. I fight to keep from turning, from losing myself for good. My energy, all the effort it takes to resist. How can you fight from becoming something else when the effort itself is driving you towards it? I’m exhausted trying to find a cure, meanwhile I am becoming not me, losing what makes me me. If a final transformation happens, I won’t be me. I’ll be gone. So what self-destruction I inflict is to get away from myself. It means I gave in, I couldn’t fight anymore. The closer I come to understanding, the closer it seems I will become it, the more it makes sense. How easy it would be to let the rock roll back and end me? To let myself be whittled away and stop trying to rebuild? Can I be salvaged?

Salvageable

typical

I’m at that point where I’m annoyingly self-aware, self-deprecating, too full of everything that has been said before and will be said again by anyone that will feel this way. That sick of feeling sick of feeling tired of being tired of sick of feeling tired of feeling sick.

view-master reel:
domestic violent sister
suicidal mom
physically and emotionally absent dad
being the middle-man, “golden child” (comparably at least)
Being depressed, later finding out it was bipolar disorder all along
Mom attempting suicide, blaming my sister and me
Emotionally abusive partner after that ^, a little physical in the end
Not remembering things chronologically in those dark times, like a few years
Having my daughter
Being alone with my daughter because my husband was undocumented
Separating long-distance from said husband
Bringing said husband back with green card
Being a single mother on government assistance until “back on my feet”
Found the man of my dreams~
Have seizure-like episodes
Go to hospital for a few days because episodes
Episodes said to be seizure-like migraines (like how there are stroke-like migraines I guess)
Decided to blog

Things that I imagine that also go through people’s head:
so many have it far more worse (fact)
but doesn’t make my problems less real (true)
maybe others can relate (hopefully)
I guess cathartic to write about
I could write a book with the shit I’ve been through (not really because not that interesting and I don’t have the memory to or the conviction)
Lists are easy

typical