Maniacal

Manic days have me feeling
crazed.
Similar to feeling high off of caffeine
but unable to get away.
A soundless ringing in my head to do something,
do anything,
lose myself in something.
Insert a Mad Hatter reference.
As for my preference,
I think I would choose
the dips,
the lows,
the crying for who knows
and not this obsessive static in my head
my best escape is bed
I pick at my face
almost like I could get my brain to escape,
craving
tranquility
but it’s beyond my ability.

Maniacal

Cured

For those who feel cured after taking medication after however long, for mental illness,
then you stop taking it
are you cured?
Or do you go back and forth until you think it has stuck?
Do you ever consider that a fantasy, a hope?

My medication isn’t my white flag I waive daily
They are the life-saving pills I take daily to not be
reckless
emotionally devoid
sexually insatiable
starved of attention
picking incessantly at my face
hopeless
overflowing with guilt
unfocused
unmotivated
lacking monetary sense/spending copiously
fatigued
irritable
unproductive
anxious
etc

Of course I would love for all of the to go away! In a point of my life, it did. When I was pregnant with my daughter it went away and when she was almost 3yo, it came back even worse than it was before.

Is medication not something that manages mental illness? Like how meds manage diseases? Those diseases don’t get cured but they can get managed.

Tell me how does one control what can’t be controlled? Deal with the unknown?
Does to “get by on your own” mean to scrape by like how I could go from paycheck to paycheck, barely getting by?
Does it have to do with pride? Does it make you feel less of a person?

Cured